


And Who I Was Has Disappeared

by Frea_O



Series: Mine for Safekeeping [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, F/F, First Bath, Genetically Engineered Beings, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 03:05:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13181064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frea_O/pseuds/Frea_O
Summary: So apparently the "No Tears" thing is ablatantlie (Jemma and Daisy tell the others, and soldier through the first night).





	And Who I Was Has Disappeared

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Everything Changes_ on the Waitress Original Cast Recording.

By this point in her life, Daisy figured she should have been used to, if not big changes, at least rolling with the punches. After all, her life had been a series of heel-face turns, one right after another. Any time she had been close to settling with a family and finding her place as a child, she’d been uprooted. Joining SHIELD had been a shock and a 180 degree turn from living in a van. SHIELD had fallen to Hydra. Her crush had fallen harder into sucking as a human being. SHIELD had rebuilt itself, and she’d gone into the chrysalis. For a beautiful, glorious time she’d had a father and a mother until that had blown up in her face. Her best friend had gone missing, until she hadn’t, and her boyfriend at the time had sent himself into space. Her life of nomadic superheroism had ended abruptly when her father-figure-slash-boss arrived out of nowhere at a fireworks factory to call her home. And then home had been laid under siege, reality had become far too digital for comfort, and before she even found her feet and enjoyed some pie, she’d been in the freaking future.

And yet the baby in her best friend’s arms, sleeping with his face tucked under one arm, that seemed like the biggest change of all.

It certainly felt like the biggest sock to the stomach, at least.

She was not ready to be a mother. A day ago, she hadn’t even been—or 90 years from now she hadn’t been? The future was a strange and complicated thing to wrap her brain around. Every thought about motherhood that she’d entertained had been uncharitable and always would be. As a teenager, she’d feared motherhood, terrified to wind up in the cycle of a foster kid creating another generation to wind up in the system. She hadn’t wanted that for herself, for the hypothetical baby, for anybody, so the best thing to do was simply ensure she would never have children.

And now she had one. With her best friend.

Daisy chanced a peek at Jemma’s face while the other woman was distracted, no doubt lost in her own thoughts as she held the baby.

In truth, Daisy had braced herself for this day, for the one where she would sit beside her friend and watch her smile at a baby. Just like so many other days she’d silently and mentally prepared for. She’d already resolved to smile through a series of them: Fitz and Jemma’s engagement announcement, their wedding, their first child. She’d set aside that little bit of strength, knowing she would need it.

And now things were happening completely out of order—and wrong.

She shook her head to clear those dangerous thoughts. Maybe her mind had drifted because suppressed pining was way less thorny than unexpected parenthood.

God, what even was her life?

“He’ll need stuff,” she said.

“Hmm?” Jemma lifted her head.

“Stuff. Baby things, beyond the formula and the clothes we bought.”

“I think what he needs above all is a bath, but you’re talking more long-term, I suppose.” Jemma bit her bottom lip as she gave the matter some thought. “We can’t keep him at the base.”

“With the way that this place gets attacked by everybody and everything? Yeah, no.” Daisy shook her head. “I also don’t think the back of my van is a good option for him.”

“Absolutely not.”

“What about your place?” Daisy asked.

“I have no idea what’s happened with that place between the framework, and however long we were in the future. If it’s been over a year, I imagine the lease has lapsed and my credit score is frightfully low.”

Daisy had checked during her trip with May to fetch supplies for the team and for Tony. She cleared her throat. “I’m afraid that might be the case. It’s been eighteen months.”

Jemma drew a quick breath, her fingers flexing a little on her free hand. She sat back, her eyes closed. Since Daisy had reacted with prolonged and vociferous swearing herself, she was impressed by the restraint.

“But don’t worry about your credit score,” she said. “I can fix it.”

“I appreciate that,” Jemma said.

“There’s always a hotel,” Daisy said, shrugging.

“Hotels are never as clean as you think they are.”

“We’ll buy, like, Clorox wipes.” When Jemma opened her mouth to protest, Daisy gave her a sarcastic head-tilt. “A clean-able hotel room or staying in a base where we’re pretty much guaranteed to be attacked in the middle of the night, Simmons. It’s not exactly a ‘six of one, half a dozen of the other’ situation here.”

“You have a point,” Jemma said, apparently exhausted enough to let “clean-able” pass. Tony let out a sigh in his sleep. “We’ll need to inform the others.”

“I mean, everybody already suspected half of it,” Daisy said. Mack, Elena, and Coulson had spent the Quinjet ride from Lake Ontario to the base sneaking looks from the baby to her. May probably had, too, but since she was May, Daisy hadn’t caught her. “It was just the other half of the equation they were missing, in this case.”

“And so much more than that. We’ll have to tell them that we’ve essentially committed to raising a child together.”

That familiar, painful-and-yet-hopeful feeling hit Daisy in the chest once again. Committed to raising a child together. That was—that went way beyond simple friendship. That entered murky territory Daisy had meticulously been skirting for well over two years, ever since it had become obvious that Jemma was beginning to return Fitz’s pining looks. She cleared her throat. “Given that my chosen way of wearing my issues is on my sleeve for the entire world to see, I don’t think anybody will be entirely shocked by this decision, either,” she said. “Again, you’re the unexpected piece.”

For all of us, Daisy thought.

“Coulson already knows,” Jemma said. “He was with me when the results came in. So we’ll just need to tell the others. And Fitz.”

“You know, you don’t have to tell him,” Daisy said, as Jemma’s voice had gone flat. “Coulson would keep it to himself, if we asked. I could do this myself, if it would make things difficult with Fitz for you to have—you know, him.” She nodded at Tony.

Jemma shifted protectively, pulling Tony closer to her in a move that spoke volumes. “I won’t let you do this alone.”

Unexpected guilt prickled uncomfortably at the back of Daisy’s neck for having even offered in the first place. Of course Jemma would grow attached as quickly as she had. “Okay. I just—it’s a lot, you know, I just wanted you to be absolutely sure. With how things are with Fitz…”

“I’m sure.” Warily, Jemma rose off of the barstool, holding still until it was obvious that Tony wouldn’t wake. Daisy followed her to the couch, which smelled faintly of dust. Jemma cuddled the infant closer to her. Her sigh could be over the state of the base, Daisy knew, or it could be more. “You’re correct that introducing a child to my relationship with Fitz will complicate things, but they weren’t exactly simple to begin with. We haven’t had a chance to properly discuss the Framework or Aida.”

“It’s been a busy few weeks,” Daisy said. She was sure she’d made bigger understatements before, but none came to mind right away.

“He needs some time to himself. He’s so convinced that our relationship is cursed, did you know that?”

Daisy grimaced. She didn’t want to argue, as that would mean lying, but telling the truth would also break a fundamental rule she’d set up, one that involved resolutely sticking to the positives of her friends’ relationship, so as not to arouse suspicion. “It hasn’t exactly been brimming with good luck, but then, that’s kind of our lives these days.”

“I know. Gosh, he’s just so apple-cheeked,” Jemma said, and it took Daisy a full second to realize she was talking about Tony and not Fitz. “Look at his little cheeks, he’s so cute.”

“As hot as we both are, it makes sense that our lab-grown baby would be the cutest one ever,” Daisy said, grinning when she was rewarded with a genuine smile from Jemma. “But we’re gonna have to be careful. Your brains, my general awesomeness, and both of our looks? This kid is going to rule the world if we’re not careful. We should teach him to be a benevolent leader.”

“Mm, it would be the responsible thing, I suppose.”

“Well, that’s us. Responsible parents.” Daisy realized she was playing with her beanie, and pulled it back on her head. “Do you think that’s what we’ll be? Because I feel like I might be a disaster.”

“I think,” and Jemma had her head tilted, her eyes focused on something in the distance the way she always did when giving a matter serious consideration, “that there’s a learning curve for everyone. And as I said earlier, you’re one of the smartest people I know, Daisy. You’ll be fine. _We’ll_ be fine.”

Warmth flooded through Daisy, spreading from her chest to her toes.

“Though, returning to our earlier subject, we’ll definitely need to inform the team. It will mean changes for them as well.”

Daisy chewed on her lower lip. “Given how many times we’ve saved their lives, we’ll probably never run out of free babysitting offers, at least.”

* * *

The team took it better than predicted. Elena had already guessed, it turned out, and had shared her suspicions with Mack, who simply wished them an exhausted “good luck” as he held baby Tony between his palms with a look that broke Daisy’s heart. He would need time to himself to grieve over the facsimile of Hope. Time. Something they’d had ironically very little of, despite officially being time travelers. But he smiled as he passed the baby on to May. She cradled Tony, rocking him gently, and raised an eyebrow at Daisy in particular, eyes flitting to Jemma.

She knew, Daisy realized. But then, she figured she hadn’t had secrets from May in forever, so it wasn’t that much of a surprise.

Coulson, when his turn came, groused about the name. “You realize Stark was already a pain in my ass and if he finds out two of my agents named a baby Tony, we’ll never hear the end of it?”

“Don’t say ass in front of the baby,” Jemma said.

Coulson reluctantly handed Tony back, though he did so with a warning that they would be inundated with Iron Man baby clothes and baby armor if Stark ever found out.

Fitz was the reaction Daisy watched (and pretended not to). To her surprise, he took the baby when Jemma held him out. There wasn’t any awkwardness or fumbling about from him, though he stared hard at Tony’s face. Everybody in the room pretended nonchalance, though Daisy imagined they were all straining to pick up every nuance, just like her.

“He’s got your nose,” he told Jemma. To Daisy, he said, “Congratulations. You two make a very cute baby.”

“Thank you,” Daisy said.  

Fitz and Jemma shared a quiet look that broke Daisy’s heart a little. Not envy, she realized, but genuine sorrow for both of them and the troubles they faced.

She tried to keep her tone light as she stepped forward and collected Tony from Fitz. “Simmons and I were thinking that it would probably be a little more sanitary to go find a hotel. Just until we can figure out logistics with—you know, him. And while we figure out what’s happened since we’ve been gone.”

The lure of soft beds and sheets they wouldn’t have to wash first seemed to appeal to everybody else, too. She remembered those days on the run from Hydra the first time, that little roadside motel where the sheets had smelled funky and she’d crawled into bed with Jemma to avoid sharing with May. They picked a much nicer venue this time, with everybody getting their own rooms, all paid for by one of Coulson’s cards. The minute she got her hands on a secure computer, Daisy thought, she had so much work to do, checking their alibis, seeing how many warrants they had outstanding.

Though she half-expected Jemma to follow Fitz to his room, she stayed with Daisy and Tony. They had only the clothes on their backs and things they found in the gift shop, sweatpants with the hotel name and oversized sweatshirts, toiletries and the like. Daisy was sure they’d drawn some looks, but she was too tired to care. So tired. Bone-deep, intense exhaustion radiated through her entire body.

Jemma set the gift shop bag down on the other bed and began to pick through it. “We should probably bathe him before either of us showers. I don’t know how much hot water this place has, but I intend to use up a great deal of it.”

“So shower before you, got it,” Daisy said, earning a tired smile from Jemma.

Tony Johnson-Simmons’ first bath, they agreed later, was something of a disaster. For one, there was a surprisingly vehement argument as to location, the bathtub losing to the sink even though said sink wasn’t quite big enough for the baby to fit comfortably. For as natural as feeding him had felt, bathing Tony was an entirely different story, especially for the two of them attempting to work together. Daisy imagined that truly good parents had soft music, the very best shampoo and soap, and calm, happy babies for a peaceful, harmonious bath time.

They, on the other hand, were a scientist and a field agent belonging to a fallen clandestine government agency, who’d been unceremoniously handed guardianship of a test tube baby. Not much harmony to be found there, but a lot of muttering of “hold still—not him, Daisy, you. _You_ hold still” and Tony crying when they accidentally splashed shampoo in his eyes.

“And the ‘no tears’ claim appears to be a blatant lie,” Daisy said while Jemma gave her a peevish look and Tony screamed directly in her ear. “Wow. Okay. So I don’t think we have to worry about his lungs at all. _Wow_.”

Jemma, who had a glob of baby shampoo on her chin, sighed at the both of them.

But the trauma finally came to an end and Tony, freshly diapered—another adventure for both of them and only not a disaster because Daisy’s time in the future had honed her lightning fast reflexes—had been swaddled in the softest towel they could find, nestled in Jemma’s arms.

“Let’s never speak of this to anybody on the team,” Jemma said.

“Agreed.” Daisy grabbed her bag and hurried off to take a shower. It should have been a glorious escape, the first _real_ hot shower she’d had in months, a chance to soak her sore and battered muscles and take stock of all the injuries she’d been dealt. But she found herself hurrying through it, scrubbing quickly. What if something happened to Tony while she was in the shower?

Realistically, she knew that he had Jemma, that he would be completely fine. But she still hurried, nonetheless. When she emerged, toweling her hair dry, she found him asleep in the little bassinet the hotel had provided. Jemma lay face down on the bed with her arm dangling over the side so that her hand was inches away from Tony.

She wheezed softly in her sleep.

Daisy stood in the bathroom doorway and regarded the two of them, quickly dropping her gaze to avoid being caught staring when Jemma stirred. “My turn?” Jemma asked, her voice rusty.

“I left a little hot water for you.”

“My hero.” Eyes not quite all the way open, Jemma gave Tony one last lingering look and slipped past Daisy into the bathroom. In the doorway, she paused. “You’ll keep an eye on him?”

“Well, I was thinking about going down to the lobby for a smoke and—obviously I’m kidding.” Daisy grinned at the indignant scoff. “Yes, Simmons. I’ve got him. Go on. Shower in peace.”

She climbed into bed and dimmed the lamp so that Jemma wouldn’t have to make her way to bed in pitch blackness. After weeks on a pallet in the inhuman quarters, the hotel bed felt almost too soft. Like sinking into a cloud. She rolled over in the dark, staring at Jemma’s empty bed and the bassinet she’d placed between them.

Tony was a tether, she knew, one like she’d never been allowed to have until Coulson had found her and dragged her onto that bus. And the bonds she’d formed then had been by choice, in blood, sweat, and tears, and could break so heartbreakingly easily. But Tony was a tether of a different kind, a small, helpless person depending on _her_. Just like he needed Jemma.

Just like he tied the two of them together. Whatever their feelings, they were now in this, side-by-side.

And it was only going to get harder from here, Daisy knew, to keep her feelings to herself. She rolled back over and stared at the ceiling, wishing sleep would come and give her a break. But no, she was still awake when she heard the shower shut off, and the sounds of Jemma brushing her teeth and going through her nightly regimen. The door opened and Jemma tiptoed to bed with an almost inaudible “Good night, Daisy.”

“Good night,” Daisy whispered back, finally feeling her eyelids begin to droop. She felt sleep tug her away at last, a sweet release from the sheer suckitude of the longest day ever. Happy to escape into dreamland, she closed her eyes fully.

Which was precisely when Tony began to wail.

It was, she saw as Jemma groaned and turned on the lamp, already reaching down to pick the baby up, going to be a long night. 


End file.
